Obsessed

My day was spent about 50% on work and 50% on Paris research. Yet, I only have work to show for it and no Paris apartment. How's that obsession working out for me? Well, it sure makes the day go faster....

(Unanswered questions: should I apply for a long-stay visa? Should I try for a year sabbatical instead of six months? Should I try to take a language class at the Sorbonne instead of a commercial language school? Semi-answered questions: I know where to get travel medical insurance. Whoop-dee-doo!)

Got in touch with Spesh and told him that our semi-plan to meet on the West Coast for Passover was off (the timing conflicts with my Paris reconnoiter). He was thrilled at the prospect of me moving to Paris! It was great to get that reaction from him. Then he immediately made a connection for me with a woman he knows who lives in Paris who needs to sublet her place. Odds are it won't work out but it's a great idea.

Last and totally (mostly) unrelated, my blog-friend, Billy, at Living the Romantic Comedy had a good post the other day where he talks about this project where people write their life stories in six words. I couldn't resist trying it out in Billy's comments:

First try: Too much school, still not married.

Ugh!

Second try: Great boring job, moving to Paris!

That's more like it.

Please share your six-word life stories in the comments! I'll post some of your stories later this week.

Grateful for: distraction and Spesh.

Fuzzy

Is it wrong to show pictures of your friend's baby on the internet?

I hope not.

The other day, my Dutch friend, Piet, sent me that pic of his older child. A while ago, he sent me a pic of his new baby wearing the hat I made for him. This time, his daughter is wearing the hat I made for her. The best part of the message is that Piet said she wouldn't take the hat off when they got inside. Can you blame her?

As part of my exchange with Piet, I asked if he remembered another email conversation we had a long time ago. I'd sent him an article related to it. In return, he sent me a copy of our original email from 1997. Damn. So, I'm not the only one who saves everything. Good to know.

On Wednesday, I went to the blogger meetup. I've been feeling "off" and a tad anti-social but I decided to go anyway. I also decided not to push it--not to make too much of an effort. Hmm…that sounds bad. But I didn't want to trip all over myself not saying the right thing or annoying folks, so I mostly kept quiet, asked a few questions, answered a few questions and tried to smile.

Joe took this awesome pic of my extra-long cuffs:

He couldn't look away but I'd never given them any thought. I'm more fascinated by the stripedy nature of the shirt. I do love my black and white stripes.

What else? Tonight, I was walking home from work, making a call on my cell phone and a lady in a car starts talking to me. I'm in the middle of leaving a freakin' message lady! It's ok, I gave her directions anyway. What can you do?

What I seem not to be able to do is post regularly. I don't know. Is it time for a hiatus? Ugh. As soon as I say I'm taking a break, I'll start posting like crazy.

This has been a good week at work but my dedication waned as the weekend approached. I had a big deadline, I met it, but now all the other deadlines are "soft." Even so, I got a few small projects off my plate and I even volunteered for a semi-academic task that is suspiciously like editing (hey, I'm good at it by now, at least) but a good deal more intellectually stimulating.

I will keep trying to work at work. But an average blog takes about an hour to write. I might be able to work that in too.

I guess the upshot is that I'll keep posting when I feel like it, which will be more than once a week but considerably less than daily. I hope you'll stick around. I'm pretty sure that if I ever date again, I will write about it and post a lot more. But if I never date again…well, maybe I'll find something else equally interesting to write about.

Grateful for: friends and patience.

Blog diet

It should be no secret to regular readers that I'm not crazy about my job. I still think the substantive parts of what I do are important and interesting, but my real, day-to-day duties have turned me into a glorified editor. The writing quality of the documents I receive is so low that I have to do significant work to turn them into things my agency can publish without embarrassment. It is a sad, sad state of affairs.

Perhaps the saddest aspect of this state of affairs is what an incredible slacker I've become. I spent all week reading a document for which I'll have to prepare a memo summarizing my (and other readers') comments. I want to have the memo ready by Monday and I started writing it today. I'm at page 22 of the document and page 8 of my memo (it's a bad sign that my memo is so long).

In order to get this memo done on time, I decided to track my time at work. Being accountable to myself should help me get more work done. I set up a little free timer thing with categories for my different tasks, including non-work ones, like lunch, breaks and "non-work reading." So, what did I find I was spending most of my time on? Was it on writing lovely, entertaining blog posts? No, not at all. Most of my time was in the "non-work reading" category. That's right, I was spending (almost) ALL DAY reading blogs! And I'm a fast reader. However, since I subscribe to over 100 blogs on bloglines, even a reader as fast as I would get bogged down.

Yesterday I decided that not only were my reading habits ridiculous but they bordered on the shameful and definitely crossed over to the irresponsible. I may not enjoy my job, but I am well paid and I do have work to do and I damn well need to get it done.

Even in the super slow times, I need to limit the blog reading to off hours. I have lots of non-pressing reading to do if my projects are in lulls. I actually was starting to get some of that reading done before the holidays, but too many days away from the office and the ramping up of some projects put it on the back burner. But it's there, waiting, when the slow times come again (and they will).

I'd say that even doing my own writing is a better non-work use of my time than reading blogs. Not that I'm going to stop, oh no. I'll just have to gorge myself in the evenings and weekends. When I'm not knitting, that is. Or maybe while I'm knitting!

Today's approximate numbers:
Time spent on real work: 5 hours
Time spent on blog writing: 30 minutes
Lunch: 1 hour
Breaks/email: 1 hour

Hey, that's almost a full day! I haven't even included the drop-bys and casual work conversations (one was a question about how to use our phones for conference calls—if it's electronic, they ask me). I'm off to a good start.

Wish me luck!

Grateful for: self-discipline.

Whew

I hate New Year's Eve. If you've been reading right along, you know this. For all my smug non-stress about Christmas, I am completely, always, stressed out by New Year's. I can count my truly enjoyable NYE celebrations on one hand…one finger, actually. I can count my non-miserable ones on two hands. And, on the third hand, the miserable ones. The misery is borne from completely unreasonable expectations of kisses, new loves and excitement. I've never wanted to be in Times Square, but I have wanted to be at drunken, debauched parties. I have always wanted a kiss at midnight with someone I loved. As much as I don't want to want those things, I want those things.

This year, I had nothing, no plan, no party, only a request from TR to babysit. Damn. Was it really that bad? I try not to make big plans for New Year's since I'm sure to be disappointed. The smaller the plans, the smaller the potential disappointment. But this year…Pele wasn't free and I didn't pursue arrangements with other friends. Why not? Laziness? You tell me.

Then Pele got free and we're going to do something with a small group. A games night or some such. That's fine by me. I'm still sick (almost better), I don't particularly want to go out (that way lies disappointment), but I don't want to babysit (the humiliation!) either.

I'm relieved and happy and not feeling like such a loser. If I get to hang out with Pele, her boyfriend, a few other folks, play games and drink champagne at midnight, I'll be happy (enough).

Something that made me genuinely happily was watching the Redskins win today. The only problem is that the first team they meet in the playoffs is the Seahawks. Argh! Stupid conflicting loyalties.

Last, the third anniversary of this here blog was yesterday. Three years, 869 (!) posts and still going strong…or at least still going.

I'm grateful for the friends who've been reading since the beginning and for the virtual and real friends I've made along the way. I'm also grateful for the other blogs that entertain me and the comments that make me feel appreciated.

Thank you so much for reading, commenting and befriending me. It means more than I could possibly express.

Grateful for: the blog and friends.

Best and worst

I think I've filled my angst quota for the rest of the year (famous last words), so this will be a short post preceded by some housekeeping. If you don't link to me or read via RSS, you can skip the first part.

PART I

A while ago, I acquired a new domain name for the blog. While "gratefuldating.blogspot.com" will still get you here, it will redirect you to "www.gratefuldating.net". If you link to me, for which I am very grateful, I would appreciate it if you changed your link to the new address: http://www.gratefuldating.net

When you have a chance! No rush!

If you read via RSS, make sure you're picking up only best and brightest feed. That would be: http://feeds.feedburner.com/GratefulDating. This way, if I change the underlying feed, you'll never know.

PART II

As you know, I have a few other blogs. Except for the one composed of sporadic movie reviews, they are static and merely hold very long stories or are travelogues (see sidebar links if you're interested). About three weeks ago, I received a comment on one of the three entries in The worst dates in the world blog. Since I found the comment hilarious, I thought I would share it with you:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The second bad date":

Why would you waste that much time with some loser guy??? Are you masochistic? Both guys you wrote about were "odd" to say the least. Your accounts were very boring. Is that what blogging is like? Yikes, I will avoid that.

Why is the comment so funny? Mostly because he's (I assume it's a he) trying to teach me some kind of lesson while commenting on very old news. The "worst dates" blog hasn't been updated since 2004, when all three of the bad dates chronicled occurred. The "worst dates" blog was my first attempt at writing in this forum.

I will now explicate and answer the comment.

Why would you waste that much time with some loser guy? I didn't waste much time with any of the guys about whom I wrote. I write about three bad dates with three different guys. I only went out once with two of the guys so I didn't consider it a big waste of time (a mistake perhaps, but not a waste of time). It may be that some of these were a date too far…but that's how I always make sure that I'm right in rejecting someone.

Am you a masochist? Damn. That cracks me up.

Your accounts were very boring. Not boring enough to stop you from leaving a comment, apparently. Given the ratio of comments to readers (few to many), it's astonishing that someone who was bored would leave a comment. Thanks for taking the time!

Is this what blogging is like? Well, no. It's what three very short stories are like. It's only a blog in the sense that it's on the internet. It will never be updated. Unlike a blog.

Comments are so interesting. I love comments, of course. I appreciate kind, friendly comments the most. I can understand the comments that dole out constructive criticism, though I don't enjoy them as much. I get that readers are trying to be helpful and almost everyone means well.

But what I will never understand are the (admittedly rare), mean-spirited, critical comments. If you don't like what I'm doing, why would you need to tell me? Why do such readers keep reading?

These days, I get few negative comments--and I consider myself lucky. Even when people don't whole-heartedly endorse my actions (which would be weird), the comments are pleasant in tone and not personal attacks. It's ok to tell me you disagree with my actions; it's not ok to tell me I'm stupid or a bad person. So, we're cool, and I appreciate the feedback and I'm grateful for the friendly tone.

I'm also grateful that when I get these oddball comments I'm much more likely to laugh than cry (or become incensed).

Grateful for: comments and readers.

Feed me

I spent the day doing very important work stuff but it's, um, secret so I can't talk about it.

What I can talk about is all the mucking around I did on the blog's feed. If you notice random posts showing up in bloglines (if that's how you read), that's what it was about. The end result of the mucking was to consolidate a couple of feeds and move some buttons around. To the left of this post, you now have two options for reading the blog without visiting this site.

The first is "feedburner." Click on the orange button and you have the choice of subscribing to the blog via a couple of different readers/aggregators/thingys. Even if you are already reading this way, consider unsubscribing and resubscribing. If you do, then everyone will be using the same feed and I'll better be able to keep track of the readership. Why do I want to track the readership? I dunno. It's fun?

The second way to read the blog is to have it emailed to you. To do that, click on the orange box that says "4 email readers." You'll be redirected to a subscription form. It's harder for me to track you this way, but that's ok. You have to give an email address (duh) but you can be anonymous to me (I think—of the four current subscribers, one is anonymous).

Enough blog stuff. Here's something really interesting—I have this great summer dress and I cannot figure out when to wear it. Why not? It's full (floor) length but casual. It's sleeveless, tank-style made from a light cotton with a floral pattern. It's pretty and flattering, but when is it appropriate to wear such a long dress? Guys, does this kind of thing make any impression on you at all? Gals, am I crazy?

What else…so I have a facebook account under my real name. My friend, Alicia, is now a member and has invited me to "catbook." Catbook! It's like facebook for cats. I'm highly amused and highly resistant to creating a page for Miss Tabitha.

(Oh, also, Alicia, remember that burger place we went to in NY years ago? I stayed right near it this past weekend and I tried to find it. I did find it—but only because I ended up in that hotel trying to go to a different restaurant. I did not eat there this time but I was tempted. (I'm talking about Burger at Le Parker Meridien.))

I know there was something else but now I can't remember. Hasta manana.

UPDATE: Now I remember. Five days in New York, one pair of shoes. Believe it or not!

Grateful for: the weekend.

Changes

I've been thinking about how I'd like to change the name of the blog. Not the "grateful" part, just the "dating" part. No, not because I've stopped dating (it may appear that way, how can this be anything other than a temporary hiatus?), but because I'd like to stop defining myself as a "dater." I've heard myself called the "grateful dater." That grates. I'm grateful, in general, not about dating in particular.

What I am grateful for, or what the blog has helped me see clearly, almost every day, is what a good life I have, despite the absence of a partner. Yes, I'd like a partner, a few more friends, and a year in Paris. But other than that, I have it good. I appreciate the freedom of being single. I actually know what I like to do, who I like to do it with, and have the means to do it. I wonder how many people know what it takes to make them happy? I may not know what it takes to make a long-lasting happy relationship, but I do know what activities I enjoy. I also know my limits, can have a good time on my own, and am generally comfortable in my own skin.

Technically, it wouldn't be very hard to change the name--all I have to do is buy a new domain and point the blogspot address to it (as it now points to "www.gratefuldating.net"). I could avoid completely moving the blog. What would be hard is coming up with a new name that I like as much, even though I don't like the current name as much as I used to.

Now, the name seems silly, insubstantial, and narrowly focused. When I tell strangers the name of the blog, I'm a little embarrassed (but that might be true no matter what the name were). In a sense, I've outgrown the name. However, I still think it's amusing and a little clever and it just came to me, and names, titles, etc., don't come to me easily.

Maybe there's a way to think about "dating" as a metaphor for something larger than "dinner and the movies." Maybe dating means going out in the world with intention, making plans and seeing things through. Dates are also "appointments," right? And I am a planner, heart and soul. (My little fantasy year in Paris? It's become complicated by thoughts like this: sell or rent the condo? Store or sell everything? But what about that salvaged teak furniture I love, which is impossible to replace? And the cat...can I take her with me? Nothing is simple.)

If dating doesn't only mean romance, then I can live with it. I've outgrown some but...I hope I don't ever get all the way grown that I can't live with a little silly.

Still, it's a conundrum and I don't have a solution. I welcome your suggestions. I would appreciate you thoughts on these questions:
1) change the name or keep the name?
2) if change, what's a good new name?
3) should the new name incorporate the word "grateful"?

At least one person would be grateful to know.

Grateful for: ideas.

Annoyances

Given that this is a gratitude journal (sort of), I shouldn't spend time airing petty grievances. Oh well.

Annoyance #1
I think I've mentioned that my niece is getting married in Israel in July. I started searching today, in earnest, for a plane ticket. Lowest price I found? $1,450. I love my niece, but this is ridiculous. It's high season so that's why the prices is so exorbitant. I will still go, and since I'll have almost no expenses while I'm there (Dad is paying room and board--I assume, that's what happened last time) I can still afford it. But, $1,450?? Ouch.

Annoyance #2
We have a new guy starting on Monday and he's going to be my officemate (not annoying--minor inconvenience in that I can't use the office as a changing room anymore). He came in for lunch today at TR's behest so we could meet and "pre" orient him. He's a sweet guy and will probably be a good officemate. Four of us went to lunch: new guy, TR, Shelly and me. We were explaining a little to new guy about how the health insurance works. TR said, "Jamy has Kaiser, it's an HMO." I nodded. Before I could say anything else, Shelly jumped in and said, "I have Blue Cross/Blue Shield. I want the best care and I'll pay for it. But it's not that much more expensive." When she said this, I wanted to slap her. So rude, so condescending. Implying that the rest of us are cheap because we won't shell out for a PPO. TR also belongs to an HMO, though it's not Kaiser. I joined an HMO on principle, something that I wouldn't even try to explain to Shelly. It's also cheaper and geographically convenient. I generally get good care from them and I'm satisfied. Shelly has a smugness that annoys the hell out of me. It's why we don't socialize much. It's also why (I assume) she never invites me to the regular happy hours she organizes in the office. She's quite picky about who she invites. Ironically, the other invitees are equally good friends of mine and some of them aren't big Shelly fans either. But, I know, don't be annoyed at not getting invited to something you don't want to attend anyway. Except it's so fantastically rude to have an exclusive group thing in the office that's not even a secret. I almost admire the gall it takes to pull that off.

Whew--that's the end of the annoyances. I have one amusement to share.

Amusement #1
I told this guy I wouldn't write about him, but I can't resist sharing this story. He's anonymous so I think it's ok. I IM occasionally with a couple of guys who I met on the free (dating) site (none of whom I've met in person). Yesterday, one of those fellows buzzed me--one who I hadn't chatted with in months. In the course of our chat, I tell him a little story where I mention a friend's blog. I've never told him about my blog. He writes, "hold on." Then he sends a link to Grateful Dating. Um, whoops. He says, "Is this your blog?" Eventually I cop to it. Lies of commission are not my style. Apparently, he's been reading the blog on and off for over a year. He told me it was well written, which was nice to hear. In fact, it made me like him a little more than before. See, flattery will get you everywhere!

Good News
Last, I'm really looking forward to spending time with my Dutch friend, Piet this weekend. I have some good things planned. He's only here for two days, but I'm going to keep him busy.

Grateful for: flattery.

Ack!

That last post was kind of depressing so let's move on to happier, or at least more amusing, topics.

Last night, I went to a blogger happy hour. (Why are the happy hours always scheduled the same week? Why?) It was a small but convivial group. I was a little out of it--yesterday was a day of minor discoordination. I spilled things, though not usually on myself. I went to the gym but only did the most rudimentary of work-outs before I decided I didn't feel great and better stop before I hurt myself. At the bar, I tried to order a $19 beer! Luckily, the waiter called the price to my attention AND directed me to something similar, but more reasonably ($5) priced. Turned out to be a great choice and a beer I'd happily drink again. But, boy, did I feel foolish.

After I'd been sitting with our small group (six total) for about half an hour, a seventh person arrived. A person I've met before. A person I've dated before. A person I've dated who I've written about on this here blog. Yikes.

I recognized him immediately, but he didn't seem to notice me. My heart was racing and I didn't know what to do. I never told him about the blog. What in the world had I written about him? Anything terrible? I wasn't sure, but some of it was certainly not flattering (my mixed feelings were on full display). After a minute or two, he still hadn't recognized me. I grabbed my phone, excused myself and moved quickly in the direction of the rest rooms.

I called Pele and explained the situation. She said, "Oh no! You can't go back."

I said, "I have to go back, I left all my stuff at the table. I'm really not having a good day."

"No. But it can't get any worse."

"I sure hope not."

I went back to the table. When I sat down, I looked at the person in question. He met my gaze and gave me a nod. I nodded back. And that was it. We didn't try to talk. We were seated relatively far away from each other so it didn't raise any eyebrows. I have zero hard feelings towards this guy. If anyone is at fault, it's me.  (Guy in question--if you're reading this, please accept my apologies and know that I'm fine with saying hi and making polite conversation if we run into each other again.)

Last amusing note. On the way home from the happy hour, my mom called. I told her what happened and she said, "You dated someone you met at a blogger happy hour and wrote about him on your blog?"

"Um, no. I'm not STUPID."

"Smart people do stupid things."

"No, I figured that one out as soon as I started meeting people via the blog. I never, ever write about dating anyone I meet via the blog--except in glowing terms."

We laughed and moved on to other topics.

Today is better, though I almost bit it on my bike ride to work today. My clumsiness is a little out of control. But I'm sure that will get better too...

Grateful for: friends.

The best laid plans...

I meant to get lots of work done at work this week but I woke up on Monday morning with a raging head cold. That put the kibosh on going to the office. I'd actually brought some work home with me over the weekend...and I did a little bit of work during my sick days. Work is so disheartening. I keep having to do repair jobs--rewriting the miserable reports my contractors deliver. I'm making progress. (Note: the majority of this post was composed last night, at home.)

I had some evening plans on Monday and Tuesday, but they were canceled due to my illness and the cold and snowy weather.

And, well, there's something I need to talk to you about and it's kind of awkward.

Here's the thing. I've grown weary of baring the details of romantic life on the blog. It's a dilemma I've faced ever since a wide group of previous friends, acquaintances and blog friends and acquaintances started reading. The well meaning negative comments are a problem and the not-so-well-meaning comments are also a problem. But actually having lots of people read is also a problem. Let me give you an example.

When I was dating Tim, the separated-but-not-divorced guy, I was invited to a party. The party was hosted by some friends of a friend who I met through the blog. The party hosts read the blog--at least occasionally. If I brought my then boyfriend to the party, people who I didn't know well would have known rather a lot about him. Rather more than he might have preferred them to know. (Luckily we broke up before the party--whew! Disaster averted.) 

Does everyone need to know all the gory details about your new boyfriend before they even meet him? Sure, I'm going to tell Pele, DrJ, JenA, Karen, Audrey, Amanda, Mom and whoever the hell else all the details eventually...but maybe not all at once...and some maybe never.

Also, you never know how a fellow will react to finding out he has a starring role on the internet. Tim, for example, was not pleased. Owen couldn't have cared less. Kansas (who is not now and may never be my boyfriend) is someone I think would not like being featured on the blog. I mentioned that to Pele and she said, "Well, not without his permission."

There are two issues: 1) keeping my private life a little more private and 2) respecting someone else's privacy. Oh, and 3) not making myself crazy by opening up my personal life to comment. These are confounded with my desire to keep the blog alive.

If I knew now that Kansas wouldn't care about the blog, I could write about him and limit the details (which is what I did with Owen). But I usually wait a while to tell a new guy about the blog. I don't want to ask permission now. I want to wait. I don't want to write about him. Oh, but, actually, I DO want to write about him. I just don't want to jeopardize a potential relationship on account of the blog.

I know I could start a new secret blog somewhere, but, oy, I love this place so much. I don't want to start over.

Stayed tuned...tomorrow I'll introduce a partial resolution to the dilemma. And if you stay tuned after that, I might write a real post again...someday.

Grateful for: this space and patient readers.

Drop me a line.