Best and worst

I think I've filled my angst quota for the rest of the year (famous last words), so this will be a short post preceded by some housekeeping. If you don't link to me or read via RSS, you can skip the first part.

PART I

A while ago, I acquired a new domain name for the blog. While "gratefuldating.blogspot.com" will still get you here, it will redirect you to "www.gratefuldating.net". If you link to me, for which I am very grateful, I would appreciate it if you changed your link to the new address: http://www.gratefuldating.net

When you have a chance! No rush!

If you read via RSS, make sure you're picking up only best and brightest feed. That would be: http://feeds.feedburner.com/GratefulDating. This way, if I change the underlying feed, you'll never know.

PART II

As you know, I have a few other blogs. Except for the one composed of sporadic movie reviews, they are static and merely hold very long stories or are travelogues (see sidebar links if you're interested). About three weeks ago, I received a comment on one of the three entries in The worst dates in the world blog. Since I found the comment hilarious, I thought I would share it with you:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The second bad date":

Why would you waste that much time with some loser guy??? Are you masochistic? Both guys you wrote about were "odd" to say the least. Your accounts were very boring. Is that what blogging is like? Yikes, I will avoid that.

Why is the comment so funny? Mostly because he's (I assume it's a he) trying to teach me some kind of lesson while commenting on very old news. The "worst dates" blog hasn't been updated since 2004, when all three of the bad dates chronicled occurred. The "worst dates" blog was my first attempt at writing in this forum.

I will now explicate and answer the comment.

Why would you waste that much time with some loser guy? I didn't waste much time with any of the guys about whom I wrote. I write about three bad dates with three different guys. I only went out once with two of the guys so I didn't consider it a big waste of time (a mistake perhaps, but not a waste of time). It may be that some of these were a date too far…but that's how I always make sure that I'm right in rejecting someone.

Am you a masochist? Damn. That cracks me up.

Your accounts were very boring. Not boring enough to stop you from leaving a comment, apparently. Given the ratio of comments to readers (few to many), it's astonishing that someone who was bored would leave a comment. Thanks for taking the time!

Is this what blogging is like? Well, no. It's what three very short stories are like. It's only a blog in the sense that it's on the internet. It will never be updated. Unlike a blog.

Comments are so interesting. I love comments, of course. I appreciate kind, friendly comments the most. I can understand the comments that dole out constructive criticism, though I don't enjoy them as much. I get that readers are trying to be helpful and almost everyone means well.

But what I will never understand are the (admittedly rare), mean-spirited, critical comments. If you don't like what I'm doing, why would you need to tell me? Why do such readers keep reading?

These days, I get few negative comments--and I consider myself lucky. Even when people don't whole-heartedly endorse my actions (which would be weird), the comments are pleasant in tone and not personal attacks. It's ok to tell me you disagree with my actions; it's not ok to tell me I'm stupid or a bad person. So, we're cool, and I appreciate the feedback and I'm grateful for the friendly tone.

I'm also grateful that when I get these oddball comments I'm much more likely to laugh than cry (or become incensed).

Grateful for: comments and readers.

Out

This weekend, I could have spent the entire time on the sofa, knitting (despite the pain), but I didn't. Saturday morning, there was soccer. My team kicks ass. I am mostly dead weight…well, I'm more like mild drag, but it doesn't matter since our offense is incredibly strong. We have one more game to play, and if we win, it will be an undefeated (one tie) season. I got very lucky in being put on this team—not just because they're so good but because they're a friendly, generous group. Maybe that's easier if you win all the time. I wouldn't know, never having been on a winning team.

After the game, it would have been so easy to stay home. I had an invite to a party, but there were two strikes against the party: 1) everyone there would almost certainly be at least ten years younger than me and 2) the party had a theme: "bad taste." I consider myself particular ill-suited to attend a party with such a theme. I'm sensitive to crudeness and based on the pic sent out with the evite, crudeness would about.

My other option was to go see a band playing (more or less) in my neighborhood. I'm acquainted with about half the members of this band and I like their music.

Still, I was leaning towards the party because it's easier to meet people at parties. I have arely met people in a bar watching a band. Mostly because it's too damn loud to talk.

I was on the fence and damn close to staying in when I got a call from Pele. It's through Pele that I know the band. She wasn't going but she reminded me about the show and said a mutual friend wanted me to go. That made it easy and I went to see the band.

Good for me, right? Well, I talked to about three people, folks I already know and left about three songs into the set of the band after "my" band. Still, I left the house and that was the best I could do. I did consider going to the party after—showing up late and empty handed is in bad taste, right? But I didn't.

Sunday was more eventful. While on my way to get some breakfast, DrJ called and asked if I wanted to see a movie. I did but I also felt compelled to watch football. I tentatively suggested we watch the game together and she agreed. So we did. Perhaps not the best use of a sunny, perfectly temperatured day, but what can you do?

That evening, I was scheduled to work the door at a swing dance (take the money for 45 minutes in exchange for free admittance). The dance was at the very place where I met SL. That gave me some , but I was sure he wasn't in the band—and he wasn't and it was fine.

Not many folks came so I didn't dance very much. I was beat and happy to go home early.

As I walked to the garage where I'd parked my car (my car! Not the flexcar! Crazy.), a man said, "Hello!" I said, "Hi," smiled and kept walking. He was a good-looking guy, tall, probably around 40 and possibly Ethiopian. I crossed the street and I heard someone call after me. I looked back and it was the guy—he'd followed me down the block. He said, "Would you like to get a drink?"

I said, "No, I have to get home."

"We can play pool, whatever you like!"

I said, "No thank you!"

He turned and left. It was creepy and flattering. While it's nice to get attention, and the guy wasn't scary, it's not nice to have strange men follow you to parking garages. To my relief, he was gone before I actually entered the garage.

Despite the lack of meeting people this weekend, I'm determined to push myself to go out a little more. It's getting colder and it's tempting to start hibernating at home with tv and knitting, but it's too lonely. I'm going to start saying yes to every invitation that strikes me as interesting. I'm not going to force myself to do things that make me feel uncomfortable, but I will attend happy hours and events that trickle randomly into my inbox. At least until it wears me out—then I'll take a break and regroup.

I think that's a good plan—be busy for the next two weeks and then take a break for Thanksgiving. I like that!

This is the thing, I find myself asking, "why not me?" while reading blogs by people who were single when I started reading and are now happily dating. [Good news is that this thought doesn't occur to me in relation to my real-life friends.] I've been writing this blog for almost three years and reading others for nearly that long. So, over the past three years, what has changed?

Lots. I've had a few boyfriends over the last few years. I've had several crushes and dozens (!) of dates. Blech. I feel like I want to retire. My desire for a relationship hasn't lessened but my desire to deal with the muck of dating has. I'm ready to fully resign from internet-based dating since it's never worked well for me. But I feel I should push myself a little into new social situations. I still like people, I still want a boyfriend and I actually think my screening mechanisms are better than ever. That is, I'm going to make better choices about who I get involved with than ever before. (I'd blame this long boyfriend-free hiatus on that, but the last boyfriend-free hiatus was almost as long and I wasn't busy claiming better judgment in that period.)

My last few involvements have proved that—at least to me. Remember Kansas? No? Yeah, me too. He is gone and I don't miss him. And SL? Yes, he was crazy, but I stayed involved with him for as long as it suited me—or perhaps just a tiny bit longer—and then I ended it. I even went on one ill-conceived date with Tim last summer, and I rejected his request for friendship. I had several dates with Kenny, but when it became clear we weren't well-suited, he just faded away. Excellent screening, I think. Lord, I hope I'm not telling the same old sad story over and over. At least my enthusiasm is undiminished when it comes to meeting new people. What has diminished is my initial emotional investment when I meet a new guy. I'm hanging back a little more at the start, just watching and waiting.

In each of these cases, I've made the right decision. I've limited my involvement and I've gotten out clean. Good for me! I have the feeling, the hope, that the next time I get a chance to date someone I like, I'll make a good decision. But I'm getting tired of waiting for the opportunity to test my decision making skills.

My impatience worries me. It's my impatience, my frustration, that propels me into bad situations. I don't want to waste time in relationships that I will regret. As long as I enjoy myself while I'm with the guy, I won't count it as a waste even if it doesn't last. But no more half-assing it with guys who aren't worth my time. I'm willing to work and weather hard times but I'm not willing to jump into relationships that start out with equal parts fun and work. It better be a whole lot of fun at the get-go or I'm not getting gone.

So, here I am, busy trusting my judgment, listening to my gut and ready to be happy. Now what?

Grateful for: a good attitude (mostly).