I'm off to New Jersey today as soon as court ends. Dad seems discomfited that I will arrive after sundown. Since when did he become religious? I'm annoyed that he's not more appreciative of the efforts I've made to be there. I have to accept that he won't be more grateful…but it's not easy. I will try and focus on the absurd aspects rather than the annoying ones.
In an unexpected turn of events, Kansas is feeding Tabitha the cat while I'm gone. Usually, this is TR's job, but he's going to be out of town too--and so is Pele. I tapped Kansas and he reluctantly agreed. You think he'd be happy to do me a solid…but it screws with the routine, so he doesn't like it. Oh well. She needs to be fed and played with and he will do it. Good enough.
I won't be in touch while I'm gone. I'm making a choice not to bring the computer or camera. I will have the ipod, cell phone and knitting, though. Mostly, it's a hassle to bring the computer to the courthouse. I also thought it might be a nice break. I'll have a notebook and I'm sure I'll be writing, but I'm going to focus on the family, reading and, possibly, relaxing. Not that I've ever found spending time with my family relaxing before, but there's a first time for everything, right?
Enjoy the lovely DC Spring, have a great Passover if you're celebrating, and I'll talk to you next week.
Grateful for: the absurd
Showing posts with label passover. Show all posts
Showing posts with label passover. Show all posts
Friday, March 30, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
What about Passover?
During the jury selection process, we were all given a chance to tell the judge, privately, if there was a reason we couldn't serve for the full six weeks. Since Passover falls right in the middle of that time, I could used it as an excuse--or at least attempted it. I could have told the judge I needed to take a few days off and go to New Jersey to see my family who would be visiting from Israel.
I didn't.
I thought about it, but it's not a religious reason. I'm not very religious. The family coming from Israel is more of a reason, but even if I missed Passover, I could still go up to New Jersey for a weekend. Or, if I felt extremely guilty, two weekends.
I didn't think Passover was a good excuse, so I didn't make it. And, I guess, I wanted to be on the jury. Would I have picked a one-, two- or even three-week case over one that might last six? Hell yes. But was I curious to see what this six-week case was all about? You bet I was. I've always wanted to be on a trial and I wanted to take the chance.
Did my desire to serve trump my desire to go to New Jersey for Passover? I suppose so. I know I didn't really want to go to New Jersey and I did want to get on the jury. Huh. I've been convincing myself that I didn't have a choice. Maybe I did--maybe I didn't, but I didn't try very hard to get out of it.
However, all is not lost. Last week, the judge told us (the jurors) that we would get off for Good Friday and Easter Monday. I said, "What about Passover?" The judge asked me when Passover was and said he'd get back to us. He added, "We may take Passover Monday, but not take Good Friday--and still take Easter. One of the lawyers was asking for Passover too." A Jewish lawyer? What are the odds.
A couple of days later, the clerk asked to speak to me alone during our morning break. He wanted the details about Passover. I neglected to mention the Israel portion of the dilemma, but I explained that I had to travel to New Jersey. I should have mentioned the Israelis. It's not going to get me kicked off the jury and it would have increased the odds of making the trip. Not sure why I didn't tell. Nerves, I guess. And, trying not to inconvenience everyone. Because if I get Monday for Passover, we may lose Good Friday.
On Monday, there was a good bit of discussion amongst the jurors about which days we would get off. And I almost got into a fight with Confused Juror #1 (CJ1) about it. I was asked if I was getting Passover off. I said I didn't know yet. CJ1 said, "Would we still get Good Friday off?"
I repeated what the judge told us earlier, that we probably wouldn't get Good Friday, but we would get Easter Monday. A couple of the other jurors confirmed this. CJ1 said, "Oh, but Good Friday is more important."
I said, "If it's important to you, you should tell the judge."
There was general conversation about the significance of Good Friday, the need to attend church, etc. And one of the more savvy, older jurors said, "Don't worry. Good Friday isn't important."
CJ1 came up to me and said, "Well! I don't think Passover is important!"
I was infuriated. I said, "It IS important. My family is coming from Israel and they'll be in New Jersey and they want me to come." Not to mention that Passover is a very important holiday for religious Jews and a relatively important holiday for me.
"Don't get riled! You just said Good Friday isn't important."
I said, "No, I did not. Absolutely not. I said, 'If Good Friday is important to you, you should tell the judge.'"
"It is important if your family is coming from Israel."
Gee, thanks for that, CJ1.
In the end, it all worked out. I got the time I needed for a short trip to New Jersey AND we're getting Good Friday and half of Easter Monday off. Everyone wins. And CJ1 continues to annoy.
Grateful for: a good judge.
I didn't.
I thought about it, but it's not a religious reason. I'm not very religious. The family coming from Israel is more of a reason, but even if I missed Passover, I could still go up to New Jersey for a weekend. Or, if I felt extremely guilty, two weekends.
I didn't think Passover was a good excuse, so I didn't make it. And, I guess, I wanted to be on the jury. Would I have picked a one-, two- or even three-week case over one that might last six? Hell yes. But was I curious to see what this six-week case was all about? You bet I was. I've always wanted to be on a trial and I wanted to take the chance.
Did my desire to serve trump my desire to go to New Jersey for Passover? I suppose so. I know I didn't really want to go to New Jersey and I did want to get on the jury. Huh. I've been convincing myself that I didn't have a choice. Maybe I did--maybe I didn't, but I didn't try very hard to get out of it.
However, all is not lost. Last week, the judge told us (the jurors) that we would get off for Good Friday and Easter Monday. I said, "What about Passover?" The judge asked me when Passover was and said he'd get back to us. He added, "We may take Passover Monday, but not take Good Friday--and still take Easter. One of the lawyers was asking for Passover too." A Jewish lawyer? What are the odds.
A couple of days later, the clerk asked to speak to me alone during our morning break. He wanted the details about Passover. I neglected to mention the Israel portion of the dilemma, but I explained that I had to travel to New Jersey. I should have mentioned the Israelis. It's not going to get me kicked off the jury and it would have increased the odds of making the trip. Not sure why I didn't tell. Nerves, I guess. And, trying not to inconvenience everyone. Because if I get Monday for Passover, we may lose Good Friday.
On Monday, there was a good bit of discussion amongst the jurors about which days we would get off. And I almost got into a fight with Confused Juror #1 (CJ1) about it. I was asked if I was getting Passover off. I said I didn't know yet. CJ1 said, "Would we still get Good Friday off?"
I repeated what the judge told us earlier, that we probably wouldn't get Good Friday, but we would get Easter Monday. A couple of the other jurors confirmed this. CJ1 said, "Oh, but Good Friday is more important."
I said, "If it's important to you, you should tell the judge."
There was general conversation about the significance of Good Friday, the need to attend church, etc. And one of the more savvy, older jurors said, "Don't worry. Good Friday isn't important."
CJ1 came up to me and said, "Well! I don't think Passover is important!"
I was infuriated. I said, "It IS important. My family is coming from Israel and they'll be in New Jersey and they want me to come." Not to mention that Passover is a very important holiday for religious Jews and a relatively important holiday for me.
"Don't get riled! You just said Good Friday isn't important."
I said, "No, I did not. Absolutely not. I said, 'If Good Friday is important to you, you should tell the judge.'"
"It is important if your family is coming from Israel."
Gee, thanks for that, CJ1.
In the end, it all worked out. I got the time I needed for a short trip to New Jersey AND we're getting Good Friday and half of Easter Monday off. Everyone wins. And CJ1 continues to annoy.
Grateful for: a good judge.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Delusion
I thought my Passover dilemma was resolved. And it is. No one wants to go to Israel, so NJ is back on. I had this crazy idea that it was Israel or nothing. That I would get to stay here. Um. No. I get to go to New Jersey. I don't want to go but I said I would go so I will go.
But this part kills me. Dad says, "We're not going. No one wanted that. But you were the deciding vote."
Not sure how that could be since I was calling to give him my official "no."
I said, "What?"
"I think B1 might have gone..." Dad started.
"WHAT? No, no, you are not saying that."
"Why are you getting so upset?"
"You can't put this on me. Are you really saying B1 would have gone if I'd agreed? No way!" I was reeling at the idea that B1 would make any decision based on my actions. It's never happened before, why would it now? Dad will go to great lengths to impose guilt, then deny, deny, deny.
"I'm not saying that...no...but we'll all see each other in New Jersey."
Ah. And that's how I found out that the plan for New Jersey was still a go. Sigh.
The weekend was rather eventful. On Friday, I had a date with Jumper--remember him? It was unexpected. He got back in touch about a week and a half ago and it took a while to pick a day to go out. I was surprised to hear from him but since our date was pleasant, it seemed like a fine idea to meet again. Also, given the deep ambiguity of the Kansas situation, I feel that I should accept any (unobjectionable) date offers that come my way.
Mostly what I did with Jumper was drink. I found myself telling stories about old boyfriends. Sigh. It was a late night. While I like Jumper, I'm sure that I don't want to date him...there's no romantic spark. It wasn't a bad date and Jumper is a decent guy, but he's not for me. I don't see things going a friendship route with him, but I wouldn't object to that.
Kansas called me at 11:30am on Saturday to see if I wanted to come out and watch a game. I agreed and I got there around 12:45. I hung out, not drinking (enough is enough), until around 4pm. That was it for me. I was sleep deprived and had a great urge to lie down. Kansas wanted to know what we were doing later. Gee, buddy, how would I know? No plans were made or executed. However, there is talk of a more date-like date later this week. I'll believe it when I see it.
Now for some analysis. I know that staying engaged with Kansas is a mistake. I'm well on my way to getting attached--to some degree, I already am. But I don't want to tear myself away. I'm not unhappy. I still like him. Being out with Jumper made it clear to me that I prefer Kansas. So, perhaps he serves as a point of reference. Or, perhaps, I'm already too attached to him to find other guys interesting. And if that's the case...ending it is the answer because there is no way this is going to turn into what I need.
Warning--elaborate justification ahead...
Or maybe I should stop being so hard on myself. You know how in a car crash if you brace yourself that's when you break bones? Given that I know exactly what's wrong here and I don't think he's ever going to be my boyfriend, why not just relax into disaster and spare myself the pain? It may not even come to that. I may just say one day, 'enough,' and be done. Right now, though, I'm getting quite a bit of satisfaction and amusement and pleasure out of our non-dating relationship. Maybe I need to be in a situation that is safe from the pressure I usually put on myself when I'm dating someone. I can't do anything wrong here. I can't lose him because I don't have him. I can't scare him off because I don't care if gets scared off (that would be a good thing!). I can't be disappointed because I don't expect anything. I don't have to make room for him in my life because we're not in a romantic relationship. I go about my normal business of happy hours and social events and if I want to see him or I'm available when he calls, then I'll see him. It's nice to have someone with whom there's that little whiff of attraction, but I have no desire to incorporate him in my social world. Not that it would be bad if it happened, it's just not something I'm working towards. That's because I don't think of him as a boyfriend (or prospect), but more as a friend (and not a "FWB" either).
In the long run, I know Kansas isn't good for me. But in the short run, I don't see it as a necessarily harmful relationship. At least I hope that's true. Maybe it's just potentially harmful. Much better. I can't fix him, change him or accept what we have as a substitute for the kind of relationship I want. The thing is, the "kind of relationship I want"--I don't want it right now. I can't take the pressure. I don't have the patience. And, that, I think, explains why Kansas looks good to me. But when I change, when I start feeling differently...I imagine that's when things will come to an end.
I feel a little bad for saying that. He's got no idea what's coming. I made a point to have a conversation with him this weekend about how I think we should be friends and why that is. He likes the status quo as much as I do. At least for now, we're on the same page. I do fear that he assumes we'll be moving things forward into "real relationship" territory eventually. If I ever know with certainty that he wants this to be "serious," but with no actual changes (like having real dates), then I will let it go, for real and for good. I'm not in this to torture some poor, sweet creature of habit. It only works if we're both happy.
I wonder how long that will last...
Grateful for: something approaching perspective.
Drop me a line.
But this part kills me. Dad says, "We're not going. No one wanted that. But you were the deciding vote."
Not sure how that could be since I was calling to give him my official "no."
I said, "What?"
"I think B1 might have gone..." Dad started.
"WHAT? No, no, you are not saying that."
"Why are you getting so upset?"
"You can't put this on me. Are you really saying B1 would have gone if I'd agreed? No way!" I was reeling at the idea that B1 would make any decision based on my actions. It's never happened before, why would it now? Dad will go to great lengths to impose guilt, then deny, deny, deny.
"I'm not saying that...no...but we'll all see each other in New Jersey."
Ah. And that's how I found out that the plan for New Jersey was still a go. Sigh.
The weekend was rather eventful. On Friday, I had a date with Jumper--remember him? It was unexpected. He got back in touch about a week and a half ago and it took a while to pick a day to go out. I was surprised to hear from him but since our date was pleasant, it seemed like a fine idea to meet again. Also, given the deep ambiguity of the Kansas situation, I feel that I should accept any (unobjectionable) date offers that come my way.
Mostly what I did with Jumper was drink. I found myself telling stories about old boyfriends. Sigh. It was a late night. While I like Jumper, I'm sure that I don't want to date him...there's no romantic spark. It wasn't a bad date and Jumper is a decent guy, but he's not for me. I don't see things going a friendship route with him, but I wouldn't object to that.
Kansas called me at 11:30am on Saturday to see if I wanted to come out and watch a game. I agreed and I got there around 12:45. I hung out, not drinking (enough is enough), until around 4pm. That was it for me. I was sleep deprived and had a great urge to lie down. Kansas wanted to know what we were doing later. Gee, buddy, how would I know? No plans were made or executed. However, there is talk of a more date-like date later this week. I'll believe it when I see it.
Now for some analysis. I know that staying engaged with Kansas is a mistake. I'm well on my way to getting attached--to some degree, I already am. But I don't want to tear myself away. I'm not unhappy. I still like him. Being out with Jumper made it clear to me that I prefer Kansas. So, perhaps he serves as a point of reference. Or, perhaps, I'm already too attached to him to find other guys interesting. And if that's the case...ending it is the answer because there is no way this is going to turn into what I need.
Warning--elaborate justification ahead...
Or maybe I should stop being so hard on myself. You know how in a car crash if you brace yourself that's when you break bones? Given that I know exactly what's wrong here and I don't think he's ever going to be my boyfriend, why not just relax into disaster and spare myself the pain? It may not even come to that. I may just say one day, 'enough,' and be done. Right now, though, I'm getting quite a bit of satisfaction and amusement and pleasure out of our non-dating relationship. Maybe I need to be in a situation that is safe from the pressure I usually put on myself when I'm dating someone. I can't do anything wrong here. I can't lose him because I don't have him. I can't scare him off because I don't care if gets scared off (that would be a good thing!). I can't be disappointed because I don't expect anything. I don't have to make room for him in my life because we're not in a romantic relationship. I go about my normal business of happy hours and social events and if I want to see him or I'm available when he calls, then I'll see him. It's nice to have someone with whom there's that little whiff of attraction, but I have no desire to incorporate him in my social world. Not that it would be bad if it happened, it's just not something I'm working towards. That's because I don't think of him as a boyfriend (or prospect), but more as a friend (and not a "FWB" either).
In the long run, I know Kansas isn't good for me. But in the short run, I don't see it as a necessarily harmful relationship. At least I hope that's true. Maybe it's just potentially harmful. Much better. I can't fix him, change him or accept what we have as a substitute for the kind of relationship I want. The thing is, the "kind of relationship I want"--I don't want it right now. I can't take the pressure. I don't have the patience. And, that, I think, explains why Kansas looks good to me. But when I change, when I start feeling differently...I imagine that's when things will come to an end.
I feel a little bad for saying that. He's got no idea what's coming. I made a point to have a conversation with him this weekend about how I think we should be friends and why that is. He likes the status quo as much as I do. At least for now, we're on the same page. I do fear that he assumes we'll be moving things forward into "real relationship" territory eventually. If I ever know with certainty that he wants this to be "serious," but with no actual changes (like having real dates), then I will let it go, for real and for good. I'm not in this to torture some poor, sweet creature of habit. It only works if we're both happy.
I wonder how long that will last...
Grateful for: something approaching perspective.
Drop me a line.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Passover problem
Why is this forthcoming Passover unlike all previous Passovers? It's not, really, but it does present a dilemma.
Last year, I co-hosted a Seder with friends at my place. It was fun and, actually, my preferred way to celebrate. I love my family, but when we had Passover in New Jersey two years ago it was overwhelming and exhausting and anything but fun. I enjoyed spending time with my nieces and nephews. It was good seeing my brothers and sisters-in-law. Dad, however, drove me nuts and mostly I wanted to escape. While I kept my good humor most of the time, I was often frustrated.
This year, Dad proposed that we go to New Jersey again and B1 (my elder brother who has a big house in New Jersey) agreed to have us. I promised to attend.
But we ran into a problem. My nephew's wife, Avital, was not able to get a visa to travel to the US. Why? She is married to a US citizen (all of my Israeli relatives have US passports) and they don't believe she has sufficient ties in Israel to guarantee her return. Right now, the young couple and their newborn are living with her parents and they don't have jobs. They don't pay rent, earn income or attend school--any of which might serve as an assurance of a return to Israel. Of course, my nephew is free to come and live in the US without any special permissions, but he can't bring his wife and baby. How bizarre!
Yesterday, when Dad called to wish me happy birthday (maybe this was part of the present?) he said, "Since [nephew] and Avital and the baby can't come to New Jersey, I think we should go to Israel for Passover."
I said, "Huh."
He said, "What do you think about that?"
I said, "Huh." Silence. "Well, I don't know. I have to think about it."
"But would you go?"
"I don't...I just.... Look, I figure I'm going to Israel some time in the next year anyway for [oldest niece]'s wedding."
Dad said, "That's probably true."
"And one trip to Israel a year is enough for me. It's just a much harder trip than going to New Jersey."
"I guess so."
"And more expensive."
Dad said, "Oh, we'll cover the tickets, so don't worry about that."
"Even so, it's a much harder trip."
"Yes. Susan [Dad's wife] isn't so excited about it. And neither is SIL1 [B1's wife]."
I said, "I can't imagine that they'll go...[meaning B1's family]"
"Well, think about it and let me know tomorrow. Happy Birthday!"
Um, yeah, Dad, thanks for that.
I emailed Pele about it and she wrote, "I think that one trip to Israel a year is enough. Going for Passover is a lot to ask."
Later, over a birthday drink, I told Kansas. I said, "I can't really talk to my mom about it either because she'll just want me to go to Seattle instead."
He said, "Where would you rather go, Seattle or Israel?"
"Well, neither."
"But if you had to choose..."
I said, "Oh, Seattle, of course. But I'm going there sometime soon anyway to get the camper with Pele--when she figures out her work schedule. So there's no reason to go for Passover." (My mom is giving me her VW Camper and Pele and I have plans to drive it across the country...someday.)
"Right, I forgot about the camper. So, what will happen if you say no to your dad?"
I sighed.
Kansas said, "Guilt, just guilt?"
"Oh yeah, lots of guilt. Like this, 'Oh, but it won't be the same without you and the kids want to see you and it's important for the family to spend time together.' And, 'I'll really miss you if you don't come.'"
"Right. So, have you ever said no before to something like this?"
"I have, but rarely. It's hard. But, you know, a few months ago Dad was up in New York and he gave me just a couple of days notice and wanted me to come up. I said, 'You know, I'm going to have a date on Saturday, so I can't come up.'"
Kansas chuckled. "But if he'd given you more notice, then maybe you could have changed plans."
"Exactly, but since I don't have kids, somehow I'm expected to be able to jump up and leave everything with no problem."
"Oh yeah, my parents are the same way. I usually don't mind but it's a little annoying--why do I get treated differently just because I didn't procreate?"
I had to laugh at that because it's so true. Not that Dad wouldn't love me to have kids, but until I do, I'll still be expected to be more flexible than the rest of the family. It's not completely unreasonable and in this situation, Dad is also asking B1 to come to Israel, so treatment is equal on that end. I have to wonder, though, if B1 will get as much grief if (when!) he says no as I will if (when?) I say no to Passover in Israel.
On a different matter, I apologize for being a terrible tease when it comes to Kansas. He's definitely not my boyfriend. Perhaps we're dating but I'm not so sure about that. Last night, for example, I met him for a birthday drink at his regular bar. It was an actual plan, even. We were there for a couple of hours but at 7:30, I was ready to go home and he wasn't. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and I left. I come to find out later that the bartender said, "Hey, your girlfriend left. She was kinda pretty." How did I come to find out? He called me around 9pm, much worse for drink. I said, "Your girlfriend? Oh, he meant me." Really, for a second, I didn't know what he was talking about. I am an idiot.
Kansas calls when drinking and emails when sober. I hear from him most days, several times a day, by email. We've only had one "real" date though (other than the birthday drink), and that was meeting for coffee last Sunday.
I can't imagine having the kind of romantic relationship with Kansas that I want. He drinks far too much and his life is very bounded. If I'm going to have a boyfriend, it needs to be someone with whom I can do a variety of activities. Sitting in a bar watching sports on tv (or, possibly, during baseball season, watching games in a ballpark) is not sufficient. I want to go out to dinner, see movies, visit museums, go dancing and take walks...among other things. Yet, I don't see the harm in hanging out with Kansas when what I want to do is watch sports in a bar (or baseball in a ballpark).
I see the danger in this situation--that I could start to mistake him for a boyfriend, that I could start to have expectations. But I don't think it's possible to have expectations for someone who is so clearly incapable of meeting them. I also consider myself free to date other people and I actually went on a date with someone last week (not a date of much note, but a date nevertheless). Sometimes I get a little confused about what's going on with Kansas, but that just means there are situations (those involving kissing, for example) that I need to avoid. Take physical contact out of the equation and he's a fine person to have as a friend. Add it in, and I might start thinking that I do have a boyfriend--a lousy, worrisome, non-committal boyfriend. And the last thing I need is another one of those.
Grateful for: a new friend.
Last year, I co-hosted a Seder with friends at my place. It was fun and, actually, my preferred way to celebrate. I love my family, but when we had Passover in New Jersey two years ago it was overwhelming and exhausting and anything but fun. I enjoyed spending time with my nieces and nephews. It was good seeing my brothers and sisters-in-law. Dad, however, drove me nuts and mostly I wanted to escape. While I kept my good humor most of the time, I was often frustrated.
This year, Dad proposed that we go to New Jersey again and B1 (my elder brother who has a big house in New Jersey) agreed to have us. I promised to attend.
But we ran into a problem. My nephew's wife, Avital, was not able to get a visa to travel to the US. Why? She is married to a US citizen (all of my Israeli relatives have US passports) and they don't believe she has sufficient ties in Israel to guarantee her return. Right now, the young couple and their newborn are living with her parents and they don't have jobs. They don't pay rent, earn income or attend school--any of which might serve as an assurance of a return to Israel. Of course, my nephew is free to come and live in the US without any special permissions, but he can't bring his wife and baby. How bizarre!
Yesterday, when Dad called to wish me happy birthday (maybe this was part of the present?) he said, "Since [nephew] and Avital and the baby can't come to New Jersey, I think we should go to Israel for Passover."
I said, "Huh."
He said, "What do you think about that?"
I said, "Huh." Silence. "Well, I don't know. I have to think about it."
"But would you go?"
"I don't...I just.... Look, I figure I'm going to Israel some time in the next year anyway for [oldest niece]'s wedding."
Dad said, "That's probably true."
"And one trip to Israel a year is enough for me. It's just a much harder trip than going to New Jersey."
"I guess so."
"And more expensive."
Dad said, "Oh, we'll cover the tickets, so don't worry about that."
"Even so, it's a much harder trip."
"Yes. Susan [Dad's wife] isn't so excited about it. And neither is SIL1 [B1's wife]."
I said, "I can't imagine that they'll go...[meaning B1's family]"
"Well, think about it and let me know tomorrow. Happy Birthday!"
Um, yeah, Dad, thanks for that.
I emailed Pele about it and she wrote, "I think that one trip to Israel a year is enough. Going for Passover is a lot to ask."
Later, over a birthday drink, I told Kansas. I said, "I can't really talk to my mom about it either because she'll just want me to go to Seattle instead."
He said, "Where would you rather go, Seattle or Israel?"
"Well, neither."
"But if you had to choose..."
I said, "Oh, Seattle, of course. But I'm going there sometime soon anyway to get the camper with Pele--when she figures out her work schedule. So there's no reason to go for Passover." (My mom is giving me her VW Camper and Pele and I have plans to drive it across the country...someday.)
"Right, I forgot about the camper. So, what will happen if you say no to your dad?"
I sighed.
Kansas said, "Guilt, just guilt?"
"Oh yeah, lots of guilt. Like this, 'Oh, but it won't be the same without you and the kids want to see you and it's important for the family to spend time together.' And, 'I'll really miss you if you don't come.'"
"Right. So, have you ever said no before to something like this?"
"I have, but rarely. It's hard. But, you know, a few months ago Dad was up in New York and he gave me just a couple of days notice and wanted me to come up. I said, 'You know, I'm going to have a date on Saturday, so I can't come up.'"
Kansas chuckled. "But if he'd given you more notice, then maybe you could have changed plans."
"Exactly, but since I don't have kids, somehow I'm expected to be able to jump up and leave everything with no problem."
"Oh yeah, my parents are the same way. I usually don't mind but it's a little annoying--why do I get treated differently just because I didn't procreate?"
I had to laugh at that because it's so true. Not that Dad wouldn't love me to have kids, but until I do, I'll still be expected to be more flexible than the rest of the family. It's not completely unreasonable and in this situation, Dad is also asking B1 to come to Israel, so treatment is equal on that end. I have to wonder, though, if B1 will get as much grief if (when!) he says no as I will if (when?) I say no to Passover in Israel.
On a different matter, I apologize for being a terrible tease when it comes to Kansas. He's definitely not my boyfriend. Perhaps we're dating but I'm not so sure about that. Last night, for example, I met him for a birthday drink at his regular bar. It was an actual plan, even. We were there for a couple of hours but at 7:30, I was ready to go home and he wasn't. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and I left. I come to find out later that the bartender said, "Hey, your girlfriend left. She was kinda pretty." How did I come to find out? He called me around 9pm, much worse for drink. I said, "Your girlfriend? Oh, he meant me." Really, for a second, I didn't know what he was talking about. I am an idiot.
Kansas calls when drinking and emails when sober. I hear from him most days, several times a day, by email. We've only had one "real" date though (other than the birthday drink), and that was meeting for coffee last Sunday.
I can't imagine having the kind of romantic relationship with Kansas that I want. He drinks far too much and his life is very bounded. If I'm going to have a boyfriend, it needs to be someone with whom I can do a variety of activities. Sitting in a bar watching sports on tv (or, possibly, during baseball season, watching games in a ballpark) is not sufficient. I want to go out to dinner, see movies, visit museums, go dancing and take walks...among other things. Yet, I don't see the harm in hanging out with Kansas when what I want to do is watch sports in a bar (or baseball in a ballpark).
I see the danger in this situation--that I could start to mistake him for a boyfriend, that I could start to have expectations. But I don't think it's possible to have expectations for someone who is so clearly incapable of meeting them. I also consider myself free to date other people and I actually went on a date with someone last week (not a date of much note, but a date nevertheless). Sometimes I get a little confused about what's going on with Kansas, but that just means there are situations (those involving kissing, for example) that I need to avoid. Take physical contact out of the equation and he's a fine person to have as a friend. Add it in, and I might start thinking that I do have a boyfriend--a lousy, worrisome, non-committal boyfriend. And the last thing I need is another one of those.
Grateful for: a new friend.
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