Goals

What I'm fretting about today. Am I boring? Will anyone ever read this blog again? Should I be trying harder to increase traffic? How did people find this back in the day? I tell myself I'm not writing for an audience. This is for myself to try and recover my "zest" (or whatever). But I do miss knowing I had some readers! I miss the occasional comment! The comments are one of the best things about a blog. I don't know why. I crave and miss regular social connection. Jimmy doesn't count (unfortunately). 

I had the meeting with the "career" counselor. She had a lot of nice things to say about me, she loved my "sense of humor" and said I had a "lightness of spirit." But also that my honesty gets me into trouble (check) and that I talk a lot (check). She asked if I felt a need to fill the silence. I said I have stories to tell and I want to tell the entire story. That the story is more satisfying if you hear the entire thing! Then she said something that I found frankly bizarre--that perhaps I'm underestimated because I seem "ditzy" because I'm high energy, quirky, and have a high voice. The voice thing is true, though I often forget about it. Quirky, sure. High energy is funny because I know I have been perceived that way at times, but I feel very low energy these days. I also feel like I'm overestimated sometimes at work because they just think I can do anything or figure anything out. I don't know everything and I could use more help at times. Anyway, no I'm not ditzy. If anything, I'm too serious, but that is tempered by my humor. 

I think the real issue is that I feel purposeless. Work can be good and it can be bad. It's usually not terrible though it can be stressful. But I just don't know what I would really like to be doing. I don't have an ideal job or a career goal. I'm just kind of here.  

Grateful for: long talks.