Tired

Ok. So. I'm tired. Tonight, instead of sculling, I rowed. Our coach was exhausted and wanted to go home. The sweep group had spots for two of us, so I jumped in. I didn't feel any desperate need to return to a sweep boat, which surprised me. It looks like sculling was a good choice since I don't miss the eight as much as I thought I would.

Next topic…Kansas. I've put an end to the pseudo romance part of the relationship. I've known this was coming…for pretty much the entire time I've known him. It's not quite over completely, but it may have that effect eventually. We shall see.

How did I handle it? Via email, of course. What I wanted to write was a little different than what I actually wrote. Instead of telling him how he felt, I stuck to how I felt (mostly):

[Kansas]--I'd like to talk to you, but I'm not going to call (again) since I know that makes you uncomfortable.

This is what I want to say: I like you. I think we can be friends. I would like us to be friends. I could use your help drawing the line, though. No more late night visits or calls. I don't want to stop seeing you, but the late night calls are too disruptive. I'd like to actually be able to talk to you sometime and that is much easier when you're not quite so drunk and I'm not quite so tired.

Please don't think I'm cutting you off. That's not the case. But certain things need to end so we can be friends. I hope you agree.

[Jamy]

His response:

I do understand and you are right and i agree. Are you still in that trial?

Which was about the best I could have hoped for. I wrote back and we had a lot of banal, normal back and forth. I've found after a break up (even a pseudo break up) a bit of small talk helps normalize things.

This also made me think about what happens when you break up with someone and try to be friends. Who makes the friendship overtures? I think it has to be the breaker-upper. It has to be the person who wanted to change the nature of the relationship.

I have a bunch more to say on this topic, but my forearms are tired and typing is mighty uncomfortable. Later gators.

Grateful for: rowing options.