Dear Jamy

Work is a horrible crazy mess today. We're having issues with a contractor and I just had one of the most uncomfortable meetings of my life. We came this close to "firing" them. I sort of want to write about it and I sort of want to think about other things. I also don't have time to comment on the comments or even much time to write. Between a very busy week at work and a houseguest, I barely have time to think. The houseguest situation is not stressful--we're having fun--but it eats into writing time.

In the hope of cheering myself up, I won't write (more) about work. Instead, I'll respond to a question a regular reader and frequent commentator sent me. If anyone else would like to ask a dating-related question, I'm happy to answer it. If you send me something, let me know if you want it answered "online" and I'll publish it. (My email address is available in my blogger profile.)

So, without further ado, here is the first (and possibly only) installment of "Dear Jamy."

Hi Jamy,

What's your opinion on second dates? I think that the fella should do chatting up stuff. Then ask and ask and ask for the first date. So when you have the first date and it goes well, how does the second date get organised? In my opinion the girl should sort of be asking! So what if she keeps texting "when am I going to see you again" what should a person (me) :) do! Maybe you could do a blog on it? Please???

"Dunny"

Dear Dunny,

My opinion on second dates is that they are a good idea. Heh.

There are no rules about who should ask for the second date, but here are some illustrative scenarios:

A. If the woman asked for the first date:

1. I would wait for him to ask me out on the second date. However, if something we'd talked about came up in the meantime--like a movie or concert that we both wanted to see--and I were going with a friend, then I might invite him along.
2. I would wait for him to ask me, butif I got too impatient, I might call him and hint around about a second date, but I wouldn't ask directly.

B. If the man asked for the first date:

1. If I liked him, I would ask him out on the second date.
2. If I wasn't sure I liked him and he asked me for a second date, I would say yes in the interest of "giving him a chance."
3. If I thought that boys were supposed to do the asking, I might hint around and make it clear that I would say yes to a second date.
4. If I were shy and afraid of rejection, I might hint around and make it clear that I would say yes to a second date.

You are dealing with either B3 or B4. If you really like her, ask her out. She will say yes. If she is a game player (B3) you will have to decide if it's a problem. Don't expect her to ever take the lead, though, at least not directly. If she's shy, she'll probably get over it after you ask her out. Then again, how shy can she be if she is asking you to ask her out? Maybe she just read The Rules. Or maybe she read this.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

~Jamy

Grateful for: distractions.