Back off

It just keeps getting better. I mean, when it when it rains it pours. It's raining men. Hallelujah! Or maybe not. First, PP, DrG, E, and now, JR. That's JR for "Jewish Republican." I sure can find them.

I'd sent JR a message on the site-that-shall-remain-nameless on Monday. He responded a couple of days later and he was funny, but clearly a Republican. I seem to draw them in like flies, even though I clearly state in my profile that I am a socialist. The problem is that I also state that I once dated a Republican. And I did. Once. Well, maybe that guy way back when I was 19 who was in the Marine Reserves was a Republican, but I never discussed politics with him. Not once, not even after he came back from the Gulf War. Funny that. Even back then I didn't consider myself a Democrat, but, rather, an Anarchist. My life is far from anarchy (don't laugh), but I still have soft spot for Kropotkin.

JR and I got to chatting via email and he even though he stated he'd like to toast marshmallows over the embers of the Department of Education (I didn't ask why), I continued to email him. We joked back and forth and since we were getting off early for Good Friday (which annoyed him as much as me--do they ever let us go early for my holidays? I don't think so.) he suggested going to get "plastered." It was Purim yesterday and he said we should go out for the holiday--he also wanted to celebrate because he'd quit his job and just gotten a new one. I said I'd pick up some hamentashen and meet him at the bar, which I did. (I declined to get plastered, but said I would have at least one beer.) I do live on the edge sometimes. I had plans later to meet HP and watch college basketball around 7pm, so I figured, plenty of time. I met JR around 3:45.

He was a little goofy looking. A big guy, but I've dated bigger. He had a sort of lumpy face and a shaved head. A nose that curved to one side, looking like it'd been broken. Our conversation was a little slow starting--but once we got it going, he was good to talk to: funny, sharp and bright. My little interior "maybe, maybe not" dialogue was veering more towards the "maybe" side. I had a second beer.

He started to push it a little. He bumped his leg against mine. He touched my shoulder. He even leaned in for kiss. I said, "What are you doing?" and, "Don't do that." Yet, by 7pm I was in his car, heading to Arlington to meet HP. He walked altogether too close to me, but I figured being with HP would tone things down a bit. I guess it helped. He didn't try to kiss me again. When I was intently watching the Duke-Michigan State game he asked me if something was wrong. I said, "I'm just watching the game." I actually like to watch the game. I don't actually like to be in the bar. It's too damn noisy for me. HP and I have established that I'm easily overloaded by loud sounds and it makes me grumpy. I wanted to see the games, but I didn't have much patience for the bar or JR. I really wanted him to go. He wanted to take me home, but that wasn't going to happen. He did leave before the second round of games. He asked if I wanted to get together again and I said yes (liar!). I asked if he wanted my number and I wrote it down on a little piece of paper. He gave me his number and said, "Phones work both ways." Gee, I didn't know that. Thanks for the tip.

Where did he go wrong? In the bar he did that thing where he pointed to my chest--to the zipper on my shirt--and when I looked down he chucked me under the nose. I said, "That is really not ok. That is not cool." I wanted to sock him.

Later, HP and I discussed it and she said she could tell that he was really digging me but that he was going too far. She thought, "He's trying to be affectionate with Jamy, but that is not the way." Oh no, it wasn't. I need my space. Dude. I just met you. On the goddamn internet. You can't be leaning in for a kiss or trying to hold my hand. And you can't keep trying after I said no! Wait for the second date, for Pete's sake. Wait for me to say yes.

Jamy: What's wrong with him? He wants to marry me and I just met him!

HP: He wants to marry you?

Jamy: Well, he may not want to marry me. He definitely wants to have sex with me.

HP: Oh yes, he wants to have sex with you.

Jamy: I guess I should be flattered…but it just makes me think…

HP: You want them to want to have sex with you. It's good if they want that when you first meet. It means he's interested. But JR was just too aggressive. I think he's just aggressive in general and that would be a problem.

Jamy: You think so? He was too aggressive with me, for sure. You know he asked me out for Saturday night? And I was like, "I think I'm going to be really tired on Saturday and I probably won't want to go out." I mean I'm not sure that I'll ever want to go out with him again.

HP: I don't think it would be a good idea. He's just one of those really aggressive people. He wants what he wants when he wants it. He has boundary issues.

Jamy: What I was thinking about the sex thing is that when I'm not out with anyone I'm thinking, "everyone should want to have sex with me." But when I meet someone who actually wants to have sex with me I'm like "why would he want to have sex with me?"

HP: You know what that is. I'm not even going there.

By the way, if anyone is keeping score, that's three dates this week. If you count the "phone date" with Mark it's four. Sunday night date with Mark counts towards next week :)

Grateful for: knowing when to say no.