Old fashioned

I have to say that I really, really prefer doing things the old fashioned way. Saturday night, thanks to an out of town visitor, Janet, I went to a dinner party. I brought a bottle of wine, purchased for just such occasions. It was a nice group, a young group. Janet I know because she used to date my good friend, Joe. It's always good to see Janet. I did wonder what would happen after she broke up with Joe--would she still call me up when she was coming to DC? So far, she has, which I'm happy about. I really like her, but it's sort of awkward. I have to say, the break up really agrees with her. It's like a weight was lifted--she even said that to me this time. We always talk about Joe a little and I'm as guilty of it as she is. She is really a dazzler, a beautiful, fun person. It's good to see her happy. She was rarely in such good form when dating Joe.

At the party, there was no one I knew, but most people were friendly. Several people were in medical school since the hostess, Janet's friend, was in medical school. It was a good set up for me.

I met a guy. A sweet, adorable guy. So cute, so smart. Just a really great guy. He came in kind of late to the party with some friends and we all shook hands, even though I was sitting in the corner of the bay window, sort of all alone. One fellow (from a different group) came and sat by me and my guy sat on his other side, but I think even before he sat down we'd made eye contact. I'd already noticed him. It's just incredible how seeing someone like that you can figure out so much about him. Or, at least I'd figured out I was already interested in him. I talked to the guy sitting next to me and my boy joined in the conversation. When the next to me guy moved, my boy scooted closer. We kept talking and it was a good, if rather serious, conversation. It was a very toned down version of my old rant about grad school. My boy was in medical school, third year, so it was something of a comparative conversation. The first guy had asked if I were in school and I said, no, I was all finished with that. He said he loved school, and asked, didn't I love it? I said no, especially not grad school. He said, "Especially grad school!" I said I liked college better, there was more freedom. Later, I said, I enjoyed learning, but I wasn't so crazy about school. He kind of annoyed me. I was glad when he moved on, glad that the other guy was able to move closer. We had a good time. He finally said that he wanted to get another beer and asked if I would like another. We went to the fridge together.

There is something so funny and classic about the whole thing. It was like I was watching the whole thing from a distance. I knew I was going to go to the kitchen with him. I also was trying to figure how to invite him to my party. It turned out to be incredibly easy. I mentioned something about how I was going to have a party for my birthday and he got very excited because his birthday on the 24th. I said that he had to come then to celebrate his birthday too. And then I really invited him. He made sure I gave him my address. I also game him my number.

What can I say? He's very bright, very cute, going to be a doctor. How old can he be? God, if he's thirty, I'm lucky. He could be much younger than that. But the age is the least of my worries. It doesn't matter--I don't even know if it's an issue yet. Is it possible to date a med student? I suppose anything is possible. Then again, I just met this guy; there is no saying whether or not any dating will occur. As usual, I'm getting ahead of myself. I mean, I'm about 100% sure he's coming to my party. He said he was a few times. He even said he would call me to RSVP, which is, of course, completely unnecessary. He's going to call me because he likes me. Which is great, because I like him too! Ah, it's so refreshing to meet someone like this. So many questions are answered immediately. I know I'd like to have a first date with him. I don't know the other stuff yet, like how much I like him and if we're well suited. I have an inkling that something good could come of it, but I'm not certain. And that's ok.

There was a story I heard on the radio the other day, a woman, my age, was exploring dating in the modern world (as it were). She interviewed a "dating coach." The coach said that when you are on a first date you should ask yourself if you want to kiss the other person. The interviewer laughed and said she'd never considered that. I hadn't either, though the idea of kissing my dates has often occurred to me, I never really thought about asking myself that question. It's important because so much is about chemistry. I think the point was, if it's someone you want to kiss, it's probably someone you would like to spend more time with. So, do I want to kiss my boy, my med student (MS)? Do you really have to ask? If I weren't so shy, and there hadn't been all those people around, I already would have kissed him. Sigh.

When I got ready to leave the party, around 11:30, or perhaps a little later, I found Janet and said goodbye to her. She'd had a bit to drink, I assume, because she started telling me all kinds of secrets about Joe. I was a little taken aback, but tried to roll with it the best I could. She said she was really glad to see me and gave me a hug. MS was standing behind me--I could see him out of the corner of my eye. When I turned to go, he asked if I was leaving and I said yes (I'd told him earlier I was going, so it wasn't a surprise to him). He said he was coming to the party, but he would probably call me sometime this week. Then he leaned in for a hug and I hugged him. It was all kind of a blur. I said, please come to the party, do call me. I tried to be positive. I smiled at him. I felt a little removed and I felt bad about feeling that way. I must have still been reacting to the things Janet had told me. I do hope MS calls. I would like to see him again. I found myself thinking about him as I fell asleep, which completely surprised me. I didn't expect him to be under my skin so soon. Still, I don't feel disturbed, or even giddy, though it's nice to have something to look forward to.

I think all this dating, including the experience with Jake, has been helping to shift my attitude. I'm much calmer about it all. I don't expect anything. I think, in the past, even the recent past, when I would meet someone I liked (in person), my expectations would get quite high quite quickly. I'm not saying that my mind hasn't strayed to some pretty unlikely places already regarding MS, what I am saying is that I know just how unlikely those places are. I think I'm doing a better job of keeping the fantasy elements in perspective. I can distinguish between reality and fantasy and I can laugh at myself. I am certainly grateful for that.