Why I hate my officemate

Why I shouldn't hate my officemate:

She is a sweet person. She is good natured, smiling and friendly. She was transferred to our division because her old office was "over ceiling." She volunteered to be transferred and we were compelled to accept her. She is not qualified to do the work of this division, but my boss has done his best to find things for her to do. She accepts all assignments cheerfully (though she can be slow to complete them). She doesn't have enough work to do and she is bored. Boredom means she must find ways to occupy herself. I shouldn't hate her because she is in a bad situation that is not of her making. I should feel sympathy. Yet, I can't stand her.

Why I hate her:

• Her frequent personal phone calls that provide me with detailed knowledge of family drama and diet woes.
• The frequent ringing of her cell phone.
• Unpleasantly fragrant lunches and snacks.
• Her mid-afternoon snooze accompanied by light snoring.
• The way she inadvertently blocks the door when I need to leave.
• The pile of debris around her desk and light coating of crumbs.
• The tweezing complete with magnifying mirror.
• The long chats with the secretary just outside our door.
• The lectures emanating from her headphones when she leaves the room--I don't know what she's listening to, but it's not music.

My boredom is cured by fiddling around on the web and taking field trips, not by talking on the phone all day. Plus, I occasionally have work to do and her chattering makes it harder.

I wish she were in an office far, far away. It's annoying that I am compelled to wear headphones several hours a day just so I don't have to learn all the details of her personal life and the moderate-fat eating plan the dietician recommended to her (radishes and cottage cheese are on the list, which she thinks is terrible).

I won't say anything to her because I think the tension in the office would be unbearable. She's here for the indefinite future and I have to learn to live with her. And it's not like I never make a personal call.

Grateful for: headphones (I guess).