Crushed

I called CC yesterday after patiently (liar) waiting for her to answer my email. When the email bounced back to my account at 4:15 pm (stupid Lotus Notes) I took that as a sign that I should suck it up and call her.

[Because I'm not a jerk, I took my cell phone outside to make the call so I wouldn't disturb my officemate. And also because I would be self-conscious as hell making such a personal call in front of her (or anyone else).]

First I told CC about the recalcitrant email, then I gave her the details on the two other trivia options (The Pour House and Stetson's). I mentioned Jay without really meaning to, "Do you think Jay will come out again? He didn't seem to have a good time."

"That was Jay having a good time. He doesn't come for the trivia so much, but more for the group outing. And the beer." We laughed on that one. "He'd be more likely to come to Stetson's because it's right around the corner from his office.

This was my opening. "This is really awkward. I'm a little embarrassed, but would it be crazy if I asked you for Jay's number?"

It hung there for a second.

CC said, "It wouldn't be crazy and it's not awkward, but there's something I feel that I need to tell you." That sure didn't sound good. "After Monday I grilled him about you. I told him I could give him your number." It's like she was reading my mind. I'm officially scared. And grateful. "He said, 'She's cool. We should hang out and play trivia with her again. She's cool to hang out with.'" Oh. Oh. Fuck. He didn't want my number. Was I wrong or not? "I just wouldn't want you to call him and have it be all vague and confusing." Thank you, CC, because that's just where I was heading.

I then proceeded to explain, perhaps a bit too much. "He said he'd get my email from you that first night we met, but when he didn't I figured it was just because we were going to see each other at the trivia thing. Then he ran away. I don't know if I did something." Pele (aka Princess) had already assured me that I DID NOTHING WRONG.

CC confirmed it. "He's really shy. To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen Jay meet someone, get her number and then go out on a date in anything like a reasonable amount of time." At least I could laugh at that.

"Even though I was sitting next to him, I couldn't really engage him."

"He hates small talk, which makes it hard to get to know him." CC said.

"I think small talk is necessary, and a good thing. My favorite topic is the weather. But I can't stand it went people talk about parking or traffic, though. So boring! Especially since I don't have a car."

"That's funny. I agree that small talk is good. It's silly that he objects to it so much."

"It's good for those awkward times."

"And it makes everyone feel better. You know he does really like to talk about cars."

"Oh, I can talk about cars for a long time…" I don't own a car, and I don't drive very much, but I when I did own a car (1970 Chevy Chevelle Malibu, V-8--don't get too excited, it was a 4-door), I worked on it myself (a little). Before the car I had a '62 Vespa, which I worked on a lot. I can chatter about engines for long time and I like to listen to mechanic talk (Aside: how did I learn to fix my Vespa? I'd be at parties with the "Scooter People" and there would always be a group of guys talking about engine repair. I'd stand on the edge of the group and listen. I did this many times and eventually started asking questions. I did almost all the work on the scooter myself, which included replacing: points, condenser, headlight, taillight, flats, oil and spark plugs.)

CC mentioned how drunk they'd all been the first time we'd met. "You realize we'd been drinking before we got to the gallery? Alcohol makes it easier for him to talk to people. He knows it's a problem." The shyness, that is, not the drinking. I don't think the drinking is a problem But his interest that first night and his willingness to show it was definitely fueled by alcohol. Which explains why he was embarrassed when he saw me on Monday. Sigh.

The big question remained, was it a complete loss or was there some hope? I said, "Now that you've completely crushed me, I can give up. Or I can hope a little." I was laughing when I said it. Laughing through the metaphorical, but non-existent, tears.

CC trod a fine line, "I would keep coming to trivia. Give him a chance to talk to you and get comfortable. You never know with Jay." Our next trivia outing is tentatively planned for July 19th.

I said, "I really like trivia and I want to come anyway. I don't want you to think I had an ulterior motive (even though I did). I didn't want to put you in the middle of anything."

"Don't worry about that," CC said, "I put myself in the middle." She certainly did. She's up to her elbows in my business. I have to say I don't mind too much and I like that she's got my back. What do you want to bet that Jay finds out that I want his number? Or that I wouldn't mind if he called? Then again, I'm sure she won't tell him if it would be damaging to me.

The chatting with her was the way to go. I like her, she likes me, she's on my side and there's really nothing to do about Jay--except not wait for him.

But it does hurt a little. I feel like an idiot because I worked myself into a lather over nothing. I suppose it is better to know. It's better to live in the real world, though the fantasy was sure fun for a while.

I have learned something: the way to get a 2x4 guy is not to run him over with a truck (or smack him on the head) immediately but to be there and endear yourself to him over the long haul. I can be endearing. You only pull out the 2x4 when you know he likes you, and only if you still feel like doing some head smacking. Unfortunately, the only head getting smacked around here is mine. Ouch.

Grateful for: surviving the crush.